I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
