I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm bleeding and have questions
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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