Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
