why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
