I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
