And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
