3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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