Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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