I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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