I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
