Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
