do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize