why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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