um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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