he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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