Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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