I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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