Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
