I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
