Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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