Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
