I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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