i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
