haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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