This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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