Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
