No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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