He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Enjoy the penises
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
