Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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