I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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