I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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