I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
