He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
