A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
