this beer tastes like vomit already
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
