I should be sponsored by Trojan
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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