You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
