btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
