Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
