i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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