My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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