Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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