My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
