the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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