please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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