Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
