Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
