the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
