The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
