wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
