The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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