babies were throwing up all over the place
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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