Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
