I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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