i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
