Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
