thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
