just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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