the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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