she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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