Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
