You surviving the open bar?
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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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