she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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