I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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