It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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