He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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