i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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