Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
