just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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