Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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