can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
