im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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