I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
